Let's put the final polish on the English translation

[Hook]

JMM has graciously allowed me to give up all my free time between now and Christmas to coordinate some final translation efforts.  There is still some work to be done on the game, and we have a few days before the manual actually goes to press.  

If you have ANY suggestions on any of the terminology used on any screen in the game or changes needed for the manual, now is the time to make them.  With effort and luck we can make this look very professional indeed.

I've already made some changes.  For example,

"No order" is now "No orders"
"Unit attacked" is now "Unit engaged"
"Unit: disinclination" is now "Unit: wavering"

... and a few others.  This is the kind of thing I'm looking for.

The entire third page of the after-battle analysis has been translated.

Note that the £ sign for cannon weights will be changed *if possible*.  Once it's in the translation files, you can change it to anything you want.

Play the game, view a replay video, look around.  Check out all the screens.  Is there anything that's not clear, awkward or using the wrong terminology?  Let us know.  Some changes have already been made, but I doubt we've got them all.

This is your chance to make a difference but there's not a lot of time.  Even small suggestions will help at this point.  Don't think that you can't make a difference or that it doesn't matter.  Your contributions will be appreciated.

EDIT:  Everyone has done great work, and it's all appreciated. But there's a lot to do before it's finished.  People have found different errors looking in the same file, so there's almost no duplication of effort.  Please, if you could, take some time to look through the manuals or game screens and make some notes, and let us know what you've found.  You don't have to look at everything either, just whatever you want.  It will all be helpful.  Thanks.

Hook

[Regiment 0]

I work freelance as a copy-editor and proofreader, so how could I resist I would like to have gone through the manual but I really don't think I have the time, plus the PDF version I downloaded was set up as graphics and not text, which would make marking it up in Acrobat laborious.

The following are suggestions only. I have not had time to play the demo much, so could well get things wrong from a play perspective.

Startup screen>Solo mode:
-'Metereology' -> 'Weather'
-Join the battlefield!!! (a silly and personal suggestion, but I think one exclamation mark would be sufficient - three seems a bit...excitable )

F2 screen:
-Left/Right click onto map/unit -> Left/Right click on map/unit

Order screen:
Assignement -> Assignment

F9 screen:
Texte -> Text
I also wonder if 'Layers' might rather be 'Overlays'

F7 screen:
Armee -> Army (I assume this refers to all armies and not just the Grand Armee)

F7 screen, Armee page:
Lines of Operations -> Lines of Operation

F7 screen, Corps page:
Moral -> Morale (might also be other places this needs correcting)

F7 screen, Regiments page:
On free ground - What does this mean? On open ground (without obstacles)?
Friend flights -> Friendly units in flight? Friendly units routed? (Or does this refer to the number of times units have routed in the game?)
Enemy routs -> Enemy units routed? (Or does this refer to the number of times units have routed in the game?)

F7 screen, Options page:
Orders seized in 3D - what does this mean? Couriers captured are shown in 3D screens?
Ammunitions -> Ammunition (or 'Munitions'?)
Meteorology -> Weather

F7 screen, Situation page:
Statistic -> Statistics
Performances -> Performance

[dieseltaylor]

I am all in favour of a refined version. : )

Is it sensible for people to be allocated to sections so we did not all correct the same thing? I am commencing at the back of Book 2 and undertake to go back to page 70 now.

The game screens I will leave to those who have some familairtiy with the demo ... I read faster than I play!

[Regiment 0]

Is it sensible for people to be allocated to sections so we did not all correct the same thing?

I think this depends on how suggested corrections are going to be dealt with (is one person responsible for making/incorporating changes) and what sort of things people are going to correct.

One thing that I think should be avoided at all costs is inconsistency in the use of terms.

[Regiment 0]

Manual, Book 1, Page 31:
"Unlimbed / limbed up the cannons" -> 'Unlimber / Limber cannons'

[dieseltaylor]

Book Two

*Page 83 Under Colonel
third line -  moral should be morale
** I am notw going for a re-write unless it is crucial  

*Page 75 Use of z in customize and customizable. I am aware that the US spells it thus but I am not sure whether this is a deliberate choice or an error by a French translator. Given the European bias the common English spelling is probably better known.

*Page 74 etc As a general comment replacing maximal with maximum would make it an easier read.
Ditto morale for moral. Given that moral is unlikely to be used in the English sense a replace command for the manuscript would be quick and easy. Equally so maximal.  

*Page 73  3.5.2 Diversion Order
I am not clear what this means -  I think I can guess but then I am a long time wargamer. It refers to
" not engage the enemy to get a right of way if ........"  

Dictionary definitions of interest
Demonstration -     7.    a show of military force or of offensive operations made to deceive an enemy.
Diversion               5.    Military. a feint intended to draw off attention from the point of main attack.

I think JMM is saying that light forces would be thumped but serious opposition would be left alone. However as it stands currently it seems obscure and may confuse some as it is not a diversion in the English sense but a type of restricted advance or Deploy order


*Page 71 moral ....again
Hopefully this has already been changed globally

*page71  Penultimate line
brake should be break

*page 70 moral for morale
customiZe last line

[dieseltaylor]

Regiment

One thing that I think should be avoided at all costs is inconsistency in the use of terms.

Valid point. I am assumin that Hook will be collating and recommending so hopefully consistency will be there. It did occur to me that you might mean consistency with the French - you can see "Diversion" is slightly different. Possibly the easiest solution there is to put an explantaion but keep the order as in the French version.

70 back another 10 pages then for me.

Hook could you confirm what is happening , particulalrly with the global change words. Thanks

[Cpl Steiner]

For the unit cards:

Change "Spirit" to "Elan". I know "Elan" is actually a French word but wargamers understand what it is better than "Spirit".

[dieseltaylor]

* page 66
2.5.1
Use of meter. Global change to metre.? Used throughout the world other than the US, and is the SI unit. Amusingly as the US does not use the metre anyway it seems a bit rich to use that spelling.

*page59
4th bullet point o2D/3D presumably needs "o" deleted

General point. Keeping Livre and Chapitre are not a problem for me in keeping hte feeeling French : )

[dieseltaylor]

* Page 57 meters = metres

* Page 51
2.2.5 Plantations & Vineyards

1.    a usually large farm or estate, esp. in a tropical or semitropical country, on which cotton, tobacco, coffee, sugar cane, or the like is cultivated, usually by resident laborers.
2.    a group of planted trees or plants.
3.    History/Historical.
a.    a colony or new settlement.
b.    the establishment of a colony or new settlement.
4.    Archaic. the planting of seeds, young trees, etc.

I am not sure what a plantation is on the map but if there is a more descriptive word ..........

I would assume its a wood or copse/tree plantation however it seems more likely it is field crops. The section ends with ". which is wrong!".


*Page 50*****************************************
2.2.4
The section needs to re-written as woods are usable and forests are not but the piece then gives examples of movements in forests. If I am wrong then its needs to re-written for clarity : )
* note morale spelt correctly here!!


Onto

[dieseltaylor]

*Page 47 2.1.6
Penultimate line - ".. you must place them on the map at your will."

The meaning is a little muddy and perhaps could be joined with the following sentence to say" If you do not place the reinforcements then the AI will allocate them to the use the main operational lines."


General points
1. Forces' - and other examples. Most publishers dispense with ' in that situation

2."HistWar: Les Grognards"  I think is more visually attractive as HistWar:Les Grognards. I know it is incorrect of me to think this - perhaps in the final draft they can be kerned slightly closer than a full space. Leaving the quoataion marks out would also be easier on the eye.


*Page 41
1.5.4
HistWar : Les ................ - there should never be a space before a colon

It also refers to repertory which is uncommon English and perhaps Directory or something would be simpler.



Onto 39 to 30

[HarryInk]

I am in no way a proof reader but here were ideas & corrections for the manuals (rather than the interface) that I did a few weeks ago.  Then I got too embarrassed and didn't end up sending them in.  Maybe they'll be a help now?


It covers English Manual Vol.1 p.1-26; and Vol.II p.8
-----------------------------

Les Grognards proof read
VOLUME  1
Page   Text   correction
Cover   Livre I   Book I
2   Napoleonic   “napoleonic”
 
[napoleonic  is acting as an adjective here, not a noun, => no capital]
2, par 4   “they will not save generals from their bad decisions”   “from their own bad...” 

[avoids confusion of their (player) with they (random events)]
2, par 6   ‘round’   Consider replacing with ‘ball, grapeshot, or shells’
5, par 1   ‘Grand Tactics AI’   Suggest ‘Grand Tactical AI’   It’s a subjective choice of name, though
5, par 1   ‘in this case, you can though send orders’   ‘In this case, though, you can send orders...” 

‘you can though...’ is not the English way of using ‘though’.  You could replace ‘though’ with however in the above form.
5   ‘This tutorial course is obviously ‘limited’.  It addresses the fundamental elements of the game, but you really do need...”   I would simplify these sentences:
“These tutorials are obviously limited.  They address the fundamental elements of the game.  However, you really do need...”
7   Graphic   Still in French, needs translation
7, 2.1.3   “...even if they are not detectable”   Delete.
7, 2.1.3   “But a view is offered”   Delete ‘but’.
8, 2.1.8   Orders in 3D: Local Only
&
Orders in 3D: Total:   Change font into small caps
p.16     ‘By simultaneously pressing the Maj key...”       No Maj key on English keyboard!?

= Alt?

21   Image text is in French   Can English text be copied and pasted over the French?
21   Each battalion is then represented   ‘then’ is superfluous
22   Image text is in French   Can English text be copied and pasted over the French?
22   Postion   Consider using to verb ‘to turn’ rather than ‘positon’, thus: “The keys 2,4,6,8 turn the camera...”
23, par 4   Just like with the 2D view   Just as with the 2D view
24, last par   Time of Execution   Change to small caps?
25, first par   Organisation   Change to small caps?
25, first par   This paragraph is difficult to understand (perhaps it will be clearer with the game).  “Four basic configs” are noted, but I can see only three mentioned!?  Changing the title of each config into italics might help…
26   Formation   Change to unbolded small caps?
      

 

VOLUME 2
Page   Text   correction
8, par 4   The rest of the battalions being positioned at the rear as reserve troops or on the flanks   Add in ‘or’?
      

:   

[HarryInk]

btw DT, excellent work.  Who says altruism ain't alive and well.  Bravo Hook!

[Regiment 0]

"These tutorials are obviously limited.  They address the fundamental elements of the game"

I think this sentence is a PR disaster

Maybe instead use something like:

'These tutorials are not exhaustive but do cover the fundamental elements of the game'

or if considering non-native English speakers

''These tutorials do not cover all aspects of the game but do cover the fundamental elements'

[CountArach]

If there is any section of the manual that people want me to go through I am more than happy to correct whatever I find. I would consider it an honour.

Oh and an important thing to clarify for all efforts such as these - is it British or American spelling?